Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
