Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
