Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
