She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize