were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
