I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
