I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
