Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
