I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
