Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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