You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
