I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
