I can tuck mytits in my pants
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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