Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
