Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
