he wants to bone in the snuggie
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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