It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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