Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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