In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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