Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
