My Higher Power is John Stamos
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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