I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
