i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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