Grow some girl-balls and come out already
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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