shes about as inviting as chlamydia
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
