Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
