It was confusing and full of hummus
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
