We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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