You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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