i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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