Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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