you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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