We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
