I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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