Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
