He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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