i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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