Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
