This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
