Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize