Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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