Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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