Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
