Barsexuality is the new black.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize