tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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