Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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