I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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