The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
