There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
