I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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