i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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