I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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