my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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