he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
