Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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