The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
