You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
