I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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