I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
