Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
