wanna go halves on a baby?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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