I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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