nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
