it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
